


Say the Lord’s Prayer Twice and Hold Your Babies Tight

by lilies_in_a_vase



Series: Looking For A Safe Place To Land [1]
Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: And I’m in denial, Babysitter!Steve, Because I just finished Season Three, Billy Hargrove & Maxine "Max" Mayfield Bonding, Billy Hargrove & Maxine "Max" Mayfield Have a Good Relationship, Billy Hargrove Misses His Mother, Billy Hargrove Needs Love, Billy Hargrove Needs a Hug, Billy Hargrove Tries to Be a Better Person, Billy and Max go to the Hospital and lie through their teeth, Billy’s California Hookup ya know, Bruises, Child Abuse, F/M, Fever, Gay Billy Hargrove, Gen, Good Sibling Maxine "Max" Mayfield, HIV/AIDS, Hospital, How Do I Tag, Hurt Billy Hargrove, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I think that’s it, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, It’s actually fun to try to tag, It’s just mentioned, M/M, Medical Examination, Minor Maxine "Max" Mayfield/Lucas Sinclair, Mom!Steve, Neil Hargrove Being an Asshole, Neil Hargrove's A+ Parenting, Nobody Gets It, Or they’re starting to, POV!Max, POV!Susan, Protective Maxine ”Max” Mayfield, Same with the Party, Sick Billy Hargrove, Sick Character, Sickfic, Sorry guys, Susan Hargrove is (sadly) in love with Neil Hargrove, Susan Tries, Susan wants to protect Max, Susan’s not really a bitch, The OMC is like there for a sentence, They’re there for like a paragraph, Tired OC Nurse, Vomiting, Worried!Susan, first part of a series, i’m trying, just a little, no beta we die like men, oh well, worried!max
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-18
Updated: 2020-02-18
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:28:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22780996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilies_in_a_vase/pseuds/lilies_in_a_vase
Summary: It starts with a cough.Susan notices it because it’s so out of place.The noise comes again and she almost wants to turn around and check that it’s really him, but she knows that would be silly.It’s just that... Billy never makes much noise. He blasts music from behind his closed bedroom door, but whenever he comes out of there it’s like he’s trying to be as silent as possible. He answers his father’s questions and he sneers at Max, but other than that it’s like he’s a shadow moving through the house.She doesn’t think they’ve ever had an actual conversation.—Featuring:Susan tries to not be a bitchNeil Hargrove being the Arsehole that he isMax does her best and Billy’s miserable
Relationships: Billy Hargrove & Maxine "Max" Mayfield, Billy Hargrove & Neil Hargrove, Billy Hargrove & Susan Hargrove, Billy Hargrove/Original Male Character(s), Maxine "Max" Mayfield/Lucas Sinclair, Neil Hargrove/Susan Hargrove, Susan Hargrove & Maxine "Max" Mayfield
Series: Looking For A Safe Place To Land [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1637785
Comments: 44
Kudos: 399





	Say the Lord’s Prayer Twice and Hold Your Babies Tight

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Sara Bareilles and John Legend’s song “A Safe Place to Land”. 
> 
> I found this song and just had to write a series on Billy because it fits so painfully well and I just finished the third season and I’m in denial. 
> 
> But really. Listen to the song. It’s lovely.

It starts with a cough. 

Susan notices it because it’s so out of place. She’s washing her coffee cup in the kitchen sink and at first she thinks it must have been Neil, before she rememberes that he’s still at work and Max is at the Arcade with her friends. Billy’s supposed to pick her up later.

The noise comes again and she almost wants to turn around and check that it’s really him, but she knows that would be silly. 

It’s just that... Billy never makes much noise. He blasts music from behind his closed bedroom door, but whenever he comes out of there it’s like he’s trying to be as silent as possible. He answers his father’s questions and he sneers at Max, but other than that it’s like he’s a shadow moving through the house. 

She doesn’t think they’ve ever had an actual conversation, just the two of them. 

But Susan’s not stupid, she knows he doesn’t like her much. She knows why, really, she understands it, but sometimes it makes an ugly little thing come alive in her stomach. A thing that feels too much like hate. And then she hates herself, because it’s horrible to hate a seventeen-year-old. But she doesn’t like being reminded of what kind of man her husband can be like. She’s dealt too much with men like that. Max’s father would scream at her and call her a stupid bitch, but he never laid a hand on her. 

And neither does Neil. He’s better to her than Max’s father was in so many ways. He loves her. He talks to her and he makes love to her and he holds her when they sleep and she feels safe there. He’s protective of Max and he talks about her like _their_ daughter. Neil Hargrove is better to her than Sam Mayfield ever was, and yet...

Sometimes when he talks to her it’s to complain about Billy, and some nights when he holds her she can’t help but glance down at his bruised knuckles. Then there was that night some weeks ago when he sent Billy out to look for Max and when he came back alone Neil made sure he wouldn’t be able to go to school the next day. Max came home with the Chief of Police early the next morning, a young girl with a mop of curly hair sleeping in the backseat. Apparently Max had taken her skateboard to their place and when the Chief came back the girls were already asleep and he thought it too late to wake Max and drive her home. His phone wasn’t working and he didn’t have their number. Neil had given him it and told him to fix his phone, told him how worried they’d been for their daughter and how he’d even had to send out his son to look for her. That was another thing he did. Max was _their_ daughter, but Billy was always _his_ son. He didn’t want to force Susan to deal with him more than she had to, he’d told her once. Susan didn’t know what to say to that. Neil hadn’t even told her he had a child when they first started seeing each other, not like how she talked about Max from their first meeting. She never expected to be the mother to another child, not one she hadn’t borne herself. Especially not a boy already starting to become a teenager when she first met him. And Neil never expected it of her either. 

Still, she never could let go of that look Billy had given her, the first time Neil hit him in front of her, like he expected her to _do_ something. She hadn’t. She’d just held tight to the bouquet Neil had given her earlier that evening, trying not to care about how the milk from the glass the boy had dropped was starting to reach her shoes, and think about how she would hug Max extra tight and tell her she loved her when she got home. Billy had never looked at her like that again, avoiding eye contact as much as possible, but she still felt like he blamed her for never doing anything when his father decided to _discipline_ him. And so that ugly little thing would wake up and she would try to lull it back to sleep and stop thinking and leave the room and go to Max or go to the bathroom or the bedroom or _anywhere_. 

But now Billy’s here and he’s coughing and they’re alone and Susan doesn’t know what to do. There’s a motherly part of her that just wants to dry her hands, turn around and cover him with blankets, make some chicken soup and hot chocolate and give him medicine and sit with him until he falls asleep the way she would for Max, but she knows she can’t do that. That’s not the relationship they have and she’s pretty sure Billy wouldn’t even let her get near him if he could help it. 

So she doesn’t move from her spot by the kitchen sink, but she hears him open one of the cabinets and then he doesn’t leave. It’s a strange thing, and she’s curious. She can’t hear him moving around behind her, and there’s only so long she can wash one coffee cup before it become ridiculous. 

She spends perhaps a minute more before she puts it in the drying stand and turns around. 

Billy looks awful. She can see the beginning of dark bags underneath his eyes and his hair is starting to become a tangled mess, almost like he’s run his hand through it repeatedly. Or slept tossing and turning. His nose is red and now that the water has been turned off she can hear him sniffling from time to time. He’s holding a glass with both hands. They’re trembling. 

He looks like a sick seventeen-year-old. 

Susan’s again hit with the want to take care and to hold. But that’s not the relationship they have. So Susan just steps to the side and lets him get to the sink to fill the glass with cold, cold water. 

He holds it with both hands as he drinks it, afraid to loose his shaky grip on it, and Susan’s hit with the memory of an evening just a few years ago when he did drop it, but it was milk rather than water. 

Maybe it’s the memory, or maybe it’s her way of sating that motherly need, or maybe it’s even a desperate attempt to make that little thing in her belly a tiny bit quieter the next time it decides to show its ugly head. Whatever the reason, when Billy has already turned around but hasn’t left the kitchen yet she stops him with just four short words. 

“I’ll get Max home.”

He freezes and part of her almost wishes she’d said it before he’d had the chance to turn his back to her. Another, bigger part, doesn’t want to know what look he has on his face right then. 

He doesn’t turn around to face her, gives no verbal acknowledgement that she’s spoken at all, he just starts walking back to his room as though she’d never opened her mouth. 

But she knows he’s heard her, and half an hour later she’s in her car and on her way to the Arcade to get Max. 

She finds her by one of the machines with a small group of boys and the Police Chief’s daughter. There’s an older boy, Billy’s age with just as big hair, standing a bit to the side, watching them and smiling. Maxine smiles when she sees her mother, although her brow wrinkles a little when she realises that Billy is the one who should be picking her up. Susan just smiles at her and she relaxes, before turning to introduce everyone to her mother. The older boy is apparently their “babysitter” although Dustin, an adorable boy with messy curly hair, affectionately calls him “mom” and Will, the one with the bowl cut, laughs. Mike, a tall boy with black hair, has his hand in Jane’s, the Chief’s girl. Susan can’t help but notice how the fourth boy, Lucas Sinclair, is giving her daughter the heart eyes and she thinks of how Max blushed when Susan asked if there was anyone she wanted to impress at the Snow Ball. 

Max waves goodbye to her friends and follows Susan out to the car. She talks animatedly about her afternoon and never asks about Billy. When they get back home she just walks past his door and into her own bedroom. Susan prepares dinner, and when she’s done knocks on the door to Billy’s bedroom. He doesn’t answer and she can’t hear any sounds from inside, so figures he’s sleeping and lets him rest. Neil likes them all to eat together, but he’s working late tonight so she just puts away a plate for him to heat later and gets Max to eat with her. They end up in front of the TV with some silly show playing, and it’s almost like the way it was before, when it was just the two of them. It’s nice. 

When Neil does come home, Max is already asleep. He’s tired but in a good mood, and he kisses her while they wait for his food to heat. He only asks if Max and Billy are home in passing, then moves on to tell her about his day at work. It’s nice. 

— 

Neil kisses her goodbye early the next morning, just when she is starting to wake up to prepare Max’ breakfast. Mondays are often late nights and Tuesdays are early mornings. He will be gone for a trip with some of his work friends from Wednesday all the way to Saturday, and she will miss his warm presence in their bed. 

Max is out of bed and into the shower just as Susan is finishing with the eggs on the stove. She puts out bread and cheese and then she’s knocking on Billy’s door again. She needs to know if he will be taking Max to school or if she has to. 

Just like the previous night she’s met with no response, but this time she opens the door. His curtains are drawn and that sweaty smell of sickness hits her. The lack of light means that it takes her eyes a couple seconds to adjust well enough to locate him, but she finds a lightly shaking curled up lump of blankets on his bed and softly closes the door. Then she goes out into the hallway and calls his school to let them know he’s staying home sick for the day. 

Max is sitting at the table eating when she gets back to the kitchen, and Susan guesses she’s heard everything because she doesn’t ask about her stepbrother or who will drive her to school, she just helps her mother put the food away once they’ve both finished eating and then goes out to wait for her. 

Once she’s dropped off Max and gotten back home with no sign of Billy ever having left his room she realises that he hasn’t eaten anything since at least lunch at school the previous day. She doubts he’s going to feel strong enough to make himself something, so she sets out to prepare that chicken soup she had to stop herself from making yesterday. 

A while later and she’s got it all prepared on a tray; a bowl of hot soup, a glass of fresh, cold water, some medicine and tissues. 

She has to leave the tray to go and open his door, then come back and get it as she shoulders the door open. Once inside, she puts the tray down on his nightstand, pulls open the curtains to let in some pale sunlight and drags his desk-chair over to the bed. She reaches out and shakes his trembling shoulder. 

No reaction. 

She does it again and this time she gets a soft whimper in response. He sounds like the little wounded kitten she found when she was a girl and nursed back to health. 

Pulling back the blankets so she can get a good look at him she sees that he looks awful. He’s breathing through his mouth and his face glistens with sweat. Some strands of hair are plastered to his forehead and cheeks.

She places the back of her hand on his forehead and gasps at the heat. Then she’s rushing out of the room to get the thermometer before falling back into the chair and shaking his shoulder again. 

“Billy. Billy. Wake up. Billy!”

She doesn’t know how he’s been holding up this well if he’s been sick like this for a few days already or if it just all suddenly hit him. Then again, it’s not like they see much of each other, even though they live in the same house. 

“Billy, come on. Wake up. We need to check your fever. Please. Please, sweetheart.” 

The nickname slips out without a thought and she doesn’t even realise she’s said it until it hangs there in the air between them. It’s what she always calls Max when she’s feeling bad. 

But this time it seems like she’s going to get a response, for his eyes open a crack and he looks blearily at her. 

“... Mom?” 

He thinks she’s his mother, she realises with a jolt. She wonders what his mother would think if she could see how Susan passively watches her husband beat her son, before she hides away from the truth like it will all go away if she can’t see it. 

“Mom, where-?” He’s starting to sound panicked, and she may not be his mother but right know he thinks she is and she doesn’t have it in her to break his heart so she decides to play along. Just for now. Just to calm him down. 

“Shh, sweetheart...” 

She reaches out and cards her fingers through his sweat-damp curls. Billy looks like his mother. She knows he does, because he has a picture of her with him as a baby on the beach in California on his desk. 

She knows she looks nothing like her, and yet he thinks she’s her. Susan wonders how much he must miss her for his brain to be willing to confuse her with who he really craves. 

She sends up a quick prayer to be forgiven for lying to him and keeps stroking his hair. 

“I’m here, sweetheart. Right here, Billy.”  
She hears him let out a little gasp. 

“Mom, I- I miss you. I r-really do.” And oh, no, he’s crying now. 

She doesn’t know what to say, so she just sits frozen for a second, her hand still on his head.   
  
“I’m sorry, mom. I’m sorry. He won’t stop. He never stops.”

Dear God, he’s talking about Neil. It shakes her from the freeze she’d been in a moment before, but now she doesn’t know if she’s still talking as his mother or as herself. 

“Listen, Billy. You’ll be okay. You’re strong.”

“No, no, no...” He’s shaking his head and she thinks her heart might be breaking a little. 

“Come on, sweetheart. We need to check your fever. And you need to get some food in you.”

He burrows deeper into the pillow. It’s soaked in his sweat and she’d like to change it but doesn’t think he’ll let her. “No... I’m tired, mom. So tired. Love you.”

“I love you too,” she says, because that has to be what his mother would say if she were here. What mother doesn’t love her kids? “Come on, now, sweetheart.”

He seems to let out a breath at hearing that his own mother loves him, and Susan doesn’t really know what to do with this whole situation, so she tries to just follow the steps she’d decided on before entering. Check his fever, get food and medicine in him, leave. 

He lets her check his fever. It’s high. She lets out a breath and then she’s handing him his medicine and helping him drink the glass of water. It gets complicated when she’s trying to get him to eat the soup, because he’s shivering so hard he won’t be able to hold anything without spilling, so she has to feed him. He still thinks she’s his mother and she tries to swallow the guilt it brings her. She tries to tell herself he needs the comfort and probably won’t remember anything anyway, so who’s she really hurting?   
Then she’s getting a cold rag to put on his forehead before she tells him to go to sleep again. By the time she’s back in the kitchen over an hour has passed. 

—

Neil’s not in a good mood when he gets home. She can tell by the way his boots fall heavy on the path up to the front door, the way he doesn’t kiss her but only grunts a greeting and goes straight for a beer before landing on the couch with the remote clutched in one hand. 

But it’s fine. Susan knows what to do. Be nice to Neil, don’t ask him why he’s upset but let him come to her, keep Max out of the way so she doesn’t accidentally upset him more and hope Billy hasn’t done anything stupid that would make his father hit him. 

So Susan lets Neil be in the living room and makes his favourite food for dinner and gets out the nice-but-not-too-nice wine even though it’s Tuesday. 

Then she gets Max and Neil. Neither one reacts to the table only being set for three and she thinks it’s going well. Max tells her about school when Susan asks and says she might need help with an assignment later. Neil doesn’t say anything except to praise her cooking and then he’s silent, staring out the open kitchen doorway and down the hallway. 

Max excuses herself when she’s done and goes back to her room and Susan smiles at Neil and finishes her food. When they’re both done she stands up and starts putting their dirty dishes in the kitchen sink to be washed later. Neil’s still staring down the hallway. 

“Where is Billy?” 

Susan follows his gaze and sees it’s been on his son’s closed bedroom door the whole time. Oh well. Maybe it wasn’t going as well as she’d hoped. 

“... in his bedroom. Sleeping. He’s sick.” 

Neil scoffs. “‘Hungover’, more like.”

Then he’s standing up and marching down the hallway. He wrenches Billy’s door open and she hears a thud from something falling to the floor, then he’s pulling Billy out of the room and into the kitchen by his sweat soaked shirt. He pushes him up against the wall right by the doorway and slaps his cheek. She can hear the sound of flesh hitting flesh and winches, even if Billy doesn’t. 

“You weren’t at dinner. Explain yourself.”

Billy’s head is left hanging in the same position his father’s slap put it in so his hair obscures his face, but Susan thinks he’s looking down at the floor. 

_Good_. When Neil thinks Billy’s been drinking eye contact is almost always seen as defiance. 

“I’m sorry. Sir. I was feeling sick.” Billy’s speech is slightly slurred and Susan knows it doesn’t help his case in trying to convince his father he isn’t drunk or hungover. 

”Well, if you’re well enough to go to school you’re well enough to eat dinner with us.”

At that Billy actually does look up, but he’s not looking at Neil, he’s looking at Susan. He never looks at Susan. But these last two days haven’t been the way their life usually goes, and now there’s a question in his eyes and she realises he doesn’t know whether to be honest or not. This is her decision to make. And she makes it. 

“Neil, the boy was feeling ill this morning. I called the school and let him stay at home.” 

Neil grabs hold of Billy’s shirt and pushes him up against the wall again but this time doesn’t let go. Billy’s head thuds against the wall. 

”So you tricked Susan into letting you stay at home this morning, huh? And after spending the whole day in bed you still couldn’t be bothered to get up and come eat with your family?!”

Susan can see Billy’s chest shuddering with each breath. “I... I-I... Dad, please... I’m sorry - I didn’t-“ 

Neil punches him straight in his gut and Billy bends over, holding onto his stomach with both hands. Neil tries to show him back up against the wall but his legs are too shaky so he just falls down onto the floor like a rag-doll. Neil kicks him in the side as he settles before staring down at him.

“You ungrateful little faggot.” 

Then he pulls back to kick him one final time and Billy _whines_ when his father’s boot connects with his stomach. Usually he can take more than this but with the sickness ravaging his body he doesn’t seem to be able to handle as much as usual. Thankfully Neil seems finished. Perhaps he also realises his son _is_ actually sick, some kind of mocking version of concern, because he just huffs and goes to the living room. Not once does he turn back to look at Susan. 

It has never been this quick before, Susan has only had time to back further into the kitchen, not leave like she usually does. She can feel the countertop digging into the base of her spine. A couple minutes go by, Susan standing pressed up against the kitchen counter and Billy shaking and curled up on the floor. His lip is split, she can see the blood she’ll have to clean up on the floorboards. Then suddenly he’s pushing himself upright, his whole body trembling, and stumbles into the bathroom. She can just make out the sound of retching. 

It takes a while for Susan to move. Billy still hasn’t left the bathroom and the sound of the TV from the living room drowns out anything else. When she finally does move, it’s only because she remembers Max and that she should probably make sure she goes to bed soon. 

The ugly little thing in her stomach seems to realise she’s come back to herself, because it pops out but this time she’s pretty sure it only wants to spew hate at her and not Billy. She does her best to smother it as she gets to Max’s bedroom. She’s lying on her stomach reading a book, her Walkman on and headphones in her ears when Susan steps in. She wonders if she heard what happened in the kitchen but she’s scared of the answer and the conversation it may bring, so she doesn’t ask. 

“Hi sweetheart. I’m going to head to bed. Is there anything you need before that?” 

Max shakes her head, not looking up from the book. 

“Okay. Don’t stay up too late.” 

“I won’t. Love you, mom.” 

The words are too similar to the ones she had Billy utter to her and it brings a pressure behind her eyes she doesn’t want there. She swallows and smiles at her daughter. 

“Love you too, Maxine.”

She sees Max’s nose wrinkle at the use of her full name and laughs, closing the door. 

She ends up sitting up in the bed she shares with Neil, the latest romance novel in her lap. Sam would laugh at her for liking those books, but Neil even knows which her favourite authors are and buys her them almost as soon as they’re published. She tries not to think about Billy, but it’s hard when she hears the bathroom door open and then hears his bedroom door close, or when Neil comes to bed and she can smell the nice-but-not-too-nice wine on his breath and see his lightly bruised knuckles. He turns off the lamp and pulls her close to his chest and falls asleep with his face buried in her red hair. 

Neil’s arm is strong around her and she’s safe and comfortable, but she can’t sleep. At least every other hour she wakes up to the sound of retching followed by barely intelligible sobs. She wonders if Max can hear him. She’s closer to both the bathroom and Billy’s room, but she’s also a pretty heavy sleeper. She hopes she can’t. She hopes she can.

She thinks maybe she shouldn’t have let Billy sleep, but should have woken him up and made him go out and eat dinner with them. Perhaps then this wouldn’t have happened. Perhaps it’s all really her fault. Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps... 

She wishes she could get up and go and hug Max. She asks God for forgiveness and thinks of the Saint’s medallion Billy has around his neck. She thinks of his mother and wishes she was there to take care of him. But she isn’t. And maybe Susan should. Maybe she owes it to the woman who he so clearly loves. She knows there’s not much she can do, not much she’s willing to do. But she’s worried about his fever and his nausea and the hits and kicks Neil gave his stomach. So perhaps she can do something small to help. With something of a plan formed she closes her eyes and falls asleep. 

— 

Neil’s gone when she wakes up. 

She puts her clothes on and goes into the hallway to call both Max and Billy in sick from school. She makes herself coffee and a sandwich and then she goes to the bathroom to brush her teeth. 

And stops in the doorway. 

Billy’s lying on the bathroom mat next to the toilet. For one horrible second she thinks he’s dead, but then notices the way his body’s wrecked with shivers. She wonders how long he’s been asleep on the cold bathroom floor and figures it can’t be more than an hour or two, because Neil wouldn’t have left him there. He would have needed to shower before leaving for his trip. 

She turns back to her bedroom and gets her blanket. Billy’s is probably soaked in sweat so there’s no use using that one; she needs to wash it first. 

Then she’s crouching down beside him and shaking his shoulder. 

“Billy? Come on, wake up.” 

It takes him a few seconds, but then he’s groggily lifting his head from the floor and looking at her. 

“Susan?” It’s no more than a croak. 

She nods. “Yes. Come on now. Up.” 

He’s not fully awake yet, which is probably the only reason he lets her help him up and wrap him in her blanket. She leads him out of the bathroom and into the living room, where she helps him settle down on the couch. 

Susan leaves him there to go and wake up Max before going back to the bathroom to brush her teeth. When she’s done she goes to Max in the kitchen. She’s halfway done with her sandwich when Susan sits down in the chair in front of her. 

“I called you in sick today.” 

Max frowns around a piece of cucumber. “But I’m fine?”

“I know. But Billy isn’t.” 

Max is still frowning at her. 

Susan sighs. “I want him to see a doctor. He’s sick and... well. I just think it would be best. But you know I have work today, so I’m just going to drop you two off at the hospital and then you can call me when you need to get back home. I don’t want him to be alone.” 

Max is still frowning at her but at least she nods. “Okay. I’ll just go brush my teeth and change.” 

Susan smiles and ruffles her hair, red and so similar to her own. 

“Thanks, sweetheart. You do that, and I’ll put this away.” 

Ten minutes later and Max is putting on her shoes while Susan tries to get Billy awake enough to get to her car. It takes her a few tries but eventually they’re moving. She deposits him in the backseat. He’s still wearing the same jeans and shirt he wore to school two days ago and she tucks her blanket around him. Then she’s going back to lock the door before moving to the driver’s side of the car and getting in. 

She drives gently, slowly. Nothing like the way she’s seen and heard the Camaro roar to life as Billy speeds down the streets. She never but a seatbelt on him, just let him curl up on the seat with the blanket. 

It takes a while but then they’re there, at the hospital’s parking lot, the car still running. Billy’s seems more awake by the time she gets them there, just lightly dozing in the backseat with his eyes slightly open. Max hadn’t said anything for the whole trip. Now she turns to look at Max, but she knows Billy can hear her. 

“Listen. Billy was feeling sick, but he didn’t realise how bad, so he went out and ended up in a fight. That was yesterday. Tell them we got worried.” 

Max isn’t looking at her, but she nods her head and gets out of the car. Then she’s opening the door to the backseat and Susan sees Billy stumble out and sway on his feet, but at least he’s standing up on his own. He’s still got her blanket wrapped around his shoulders and she wonders if he realises whose it is. He starts looking around and she remembers she never actually told him where she was taking them. Oh well. He’s probably figured it out by now. 

Max is about to start walking but Susan rolls down her window and calls her back. 

”Love you, sweetheart. Take care of your brother.” If Neal forces Billy to see Max as his sister, perhaps she should try to make Max see him as her brother. Especially since she can’t be much of a mother to him. This is the most she’s ever done. “Call me when you need to be picked up.”

And then she’s pulling out of the parking lot and driving off to work. The little thing in her belly is quiet. 

—

Max watches her mother drive away before turning to glance at Billy. He looks awful. He’s shivering even beneath the blanket, a blanket Max recognises as her mother’s, and his hair is messier than she’s ever seen it, a few curls plastered to his forehead. His nose is red, she can hear him sniffling and he breathes through his mouth. There’s a bruise blooming on his cheekbone and his eyes look red-rimmed. Like he hasn’t slept. Or like he’s cried. 

_Take care of your brother._

She wonders if her mother was only telling her what lie to tell the staff at the hospital or if she was actually trying to lie to Max as well. She doesn’t know why she bothers. She heard Neil drag Billy out of his bedroom and made sure to get out her music and drown out the fighting. 

_Take care of your brother_. 

It’s strange to hear. She’s pretty sure her mother has never cared much about Billy. He was just something she had to accept to get Neil. Max herself has never really been particularly close to Billy. They’d tried, in the beginning. He’d tried to teach her to surf but quickly gave up when it became apparent she was lousy at it and much preferred to stay on land with her skateboard. So he bought her one for her birthday and helped her decorate it. Max had still gone with him to the beach, just to feel the water and the sun and sand. Then he’d been made to drive her wherever, whenever, and maybe it was there that the small relationship they’d started to build had started to plummet. He got irritated more often. She started to ask to go somewhere just to mess with him when she knew he had plans to be somewhere else. Then one evening he’d left her at a pizza place by the sea to go to some party on the beach and when she’d gotten tired and gone back to his car she’d seen him pressed up against it with another boy’s tongue down his throat. She’d stared and thought about what she’d heard Neil say when they started talking about that new illness on the TV. What she’d heard in school. And Billy had seen her and pushed the other boy away. He’d been pretty. Tall and dark haired and with golden skin. But Billy had pushed him to the ground and screamed at him and then he was grabbing Max and pulling her into the car and driving off home. And she could see he was angry. But his cheeks were wet and she didn’t know if it was sweat or tears or ocean water. He hadn’t said anything to her for days after that. And she’d gone to her mother and told her what she’d seen and cried and asked her if Billy was going to get sick now and she’d laughed and told her not to worry and a week later she found out they were moving to Hawkins, Indiana. And Billy stayed angry. Max hadn’t told anyone but she’d gone to the library and looked up as much as she could find about AIDS until she’d calmed down and stopped worrying. And when the worry was gone there was only frustration left. Then a few weeks ago she’d found out that actual monsters existed and everything that happened before paled in comparison to that. 

But Billy had gotten better. She’d made him apologise to her friends, especially Lucas and Steve, and then he’d let them be. 

But now he’s standing before her and he looks like shit and her mom expects her to take care of him so she just grabs ahold of the blanket and drags him with her, because he doesn’t look like he’s planning to leave from his spot on the parking lot without some prompting. 

She leads him to the ER, because fuck, this is Hawkins, how busy can it be and her mother didn’t say she’d actually booked them an appointment. 

Billy’s being surprisingly compliant and it makes worry stir in her. Because it either means he’s too sick to bother protesting or he’s actually in enough pain to see the benefit of seeing a doctor. 

She leaves him in one of those ugly plastic chairs they keep in the waiting area and goes up to the reception to ask what the hell she’s supposed to do now. 

“Hi. Sorry, my brother’s sick and hurt and I don’t really know what I’m supposed to do now.”

The nurse, a tired looking middle aged woman, raises an eyebrow at her. “He’s sick _and_ hurt?” 

Max narrowly avoids rolling her eyes and saying _Yeah, well, that’s what I said, isn’t it?_ Instead she simply smiles sheepishly at her. “Well, you see, he’s a bit of an idiot, really. I mean, he was feeling ill yesterday but still decided it would be a good idea to go out and pick a fight with someone. My mom got worried. But she had to work, you see, so here I am, and there he is.” She turns to point back at Billy, who really does an excellent job looking pathetic, curled up on those ugly chairs with Susan Hargrove’s flowery blanket pulled up to his chin. 

The nurse glances at him over the rim of her glasses and hums. “‘Yesterday’, you said?”

Max nods. “He was throwing up a lot last night before I went to bed.” This she knows is true. The walls are pretty thin between her room and the bathroom. 

The nurse sighs and gets out a couple papers. “Try to fill in these and then come back and give them to me. Someone will be here to see you soon.” 

‘Soon’ turns out to be an hour and twenty minutes later. Max wonders what the hell they’re doing or if there’s been a flu outbreak or something among the staff, because her earlier assessment was right. There’s almost no one in the ER waiting room and no ambulances arrive. There’s a young woman with a toddler, and elderly couple, Max, and Billy who seems to have fallen asleep leaning against the wall. 

It. Is. So. Boring. 

Still, she endures. She endures until finally, finally, Billy’s name is being called and she has to shake him awake. He flinches when he wakes up and she almost feels guilty, but she’s so bored and just wants to get this over with so she can call her mom and go home. She’s missing one of Mr. Clarke’s lessons to be here. She’s not much for science, but really, he can make almost anything interesting and she’s actually learning something. She could be hanging out with Lucas at lunch. But instead she’s here, bored out of her mind with her stupid stepbrother who couldn’t avoid getting sick and was too much of an idiot to set an alarm for dinner time so Neil wouldn’t have had anything to get angry at. Yay. 

Billy slowly stands up and, Jesus Christ, he smells. How did she not notice this? When was the last time he showered? As soon as he moves she gets hit by the stench of old vomit. God. Boys. 

“Come on. It’s your turn, idiot.” 

She thinks he may want to roll his eyes but he seems too tired to try. 

They follow the nurse to a room further inside the hospital where a doctor waits for them. He introduces himself but Max honestly doesn’t care and just deigns to call him ‘the Doctor’ in her mind. He seems to be Neil’s age, with greying dark hair and a thin moustache. 

He takes the blanket from Billy and she sees his shivers increase as soon as it’s gone. The Doctor leads them over to the examination table and gets Billy to sit on it. He checks his fever and then he’s pulling his head back to look at the bruise on his cheek. In the strong lightning of the exam room she can see it’s started to turn purple. 

“They got in a good hit, huh?”

“Yeah,” Billy sighs. 

“You know, you should _never_ go looking for fights. But especially not when you’re already sick and can’t defend yourself.”

Billy doesn’t answer and Max winches. 

“Alright, off with the shirt. I need to listen to your lungs and check your abdomen. I can tell you’re in pain, kid.” 

Billy mumbles something that Max can’t hear. Neither can the Doctor, apparently. 

“Sorry? Could you repeat that?”

“It’s cold.”

At that he actually lets out a laugh and shakes his head. “It’s not, it’s just your fever.” 

Max doesn’t think Billy likes being told something’s only in his head, especially when it isn’t, because shit, she’s standing there in a shirt and a hoodie, and it’s _still_ freakishly cold. 

But Billy doesn’t argue. He just grabs the hem of his shirt and starts pulling it over his head. And once it’s off Max wishes they were back in the waiting room and she didn’t have to see this. Because the guilt that fills her almost makes her choke. For there has been times, times when Billy had been especially nasty to her that she felt a sense of satisfaction, of _justice_ , when the next time she saw Billy he had a black eye or bruised cheek. Hell, she’d felt that way just a few weeks ago after she’d threatened Billy with Steve’s bat and when she saw him two days later as he was driving her to school he’d had on sunglasses even though the day had been cloudy. 

But there’s no justice in this. She’s never seen Billy shirtless after a fight with Neil, she realises, and wonders if it’s this bad every time. His side and stomach are filled with ugly shapes, deep purple and black and oh, God, the fight wasn’t even 24 hours ago, _how are they already this bad?_ There’s some yellow ones underneath the dark new ones, and bizarrely she thinks he looks like some kind of abstract artwork. Or a painting by a toddler who has just been handed colours for the first time and is being told to experiment. 

The Doctor reaches for his stethoscope and then he’s telling Billy to breathe. She watches with baited breath. She wants to reach out and touch him. Make sure he’s real. 

Then the Doctors moving around and listening from Billy’s back before putting the stethoscope away and putting on gloves. The snap at his wrists and Max almost jumps the first time, unprepared for the sudden loud sound in the otherwise quite silent room. 

“Lie down.” 

Billy looks at him, swallows, and then he’s turning to look at Max. 

He’s scared. 

And Max mother asked her to take care of him so she gives a little encouraging smile and steps closer to the table, on the opposite side of the Doctor. 

And Billy looks at her and lies down. Then he’s moving his gaze up to the ceiling and Max sees his whole body shiver and doubts all of it comes from the fever. 

Then the Doctor’s there and he’s pressing down on Billy’s stomach and Max hears Billy gasp and hiss through clenched teeth and she wants to shout at the Doctor for putting him through more pain. 

“Sorry,” the Doctor says. Max doesn’t think he sounds very sorry. “I’m going to have to press a bit deeper.”

Billy lets out a bitter laugh at that and winches when it pulls at his sore muscles. He clenches his eyes shut and fists his hands. His lashes are wet. 

Something about seeing her asshole of a stepbrother looking so vulnerable compels Max to reach out and take a hold of his hand. She watches his face for a reaction. His eyes stay shut, but she feels him open his hand and clutch at hers like it’s a lifeline. 

She knows when the Doctor’s started pressing down again because Billy’s breath hitches and his eyes fall open. She sees a tear roll down the side of his cheek. He blinks a couple of times and takes a few more gasping breaths and then he’s looking at the Doctor. 

“S-Stop. Please. I-I’m going to throw up.” 

There’s something very jarring about hearing Billy say _please_. The Doctor doesn’t seem to realise this because he doesn’t let go, he just sighs. 

“Try to breath through it. I’m almost done.” 

Max however, she realises this. So as Billy lets out a groan and his head falls back against the table, Max twists out of the grip he has on her hand and rushes to get the rubbish bin she saw in the corner. 

She holds it up level with the table on the Doctor’s side and taps Billy’s arm. He turns to look at her with a relieved expression and by that point the Doctor seems done because he turns Billy on his side and grabs the bin from Max. She sees Billy convulse and rushes out of the way so she can grab his hair and hold it out of his eyes. She’s trying to avoid looking at the scene before her, but it seems like he’s not getting out much. It quickly turns into dry heaves and she thinks she hears him let out a quiet whimper. 

“Well, the good news is I doubt you’ve got any broken or cracked ribs, but I still want to get you an X-Ray and do a few more tests.” 

Max is again hit with the want to shout at the Doctor, because Billy is curled up on his side, shaking, and the man sounds way to chipper for how Max feels watching her stepbrother. 

But Billy slowly uncurls and wipes his hand over his face. He nods at the Doctor, reaches for his shirt and then he’s standing up and they’re moving down the hall to get an X-Ray done. 

She doesn’t want to leave him, but they won’t let her go in with him so she stays outside and waits. He’s shaky when he comes out and she reaches for his hand without thinking. He looks shocked for a second, but doesn’t let go. 

And then they’re taken to another room, and another, and another, and then they’re back in the waiting room and Max is calling her mother to come pick them up. 

“What did the doctors say?” she asks her when they’re climbing back into the car, hours she first dropped them off. Max sees her glance at Billy in the backseat with something that almost looks like fear in her eyes. 

“He’s bruised, but nothing’s broken. We need to make sure he drinks and gets fluids in him and doesn’t throw everything up, otherwise we’re supposed to come back. They told us to keep track of the fever and not let it get any higher. But other than that he’s just supposed to rest and sleep.”

Max’s mother gives a relieved smile at that. “Well, I think we can handle that.” 

Max nods and looks back at Billy in the backseat. He gives her a weak smile and she smiles back. It feels like their relationship is getting better, closer to what it was in the beginning. She thinks back to the way he held onto her hand and nods to herself. _Yeah. They’ll handle it. Together._

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> Please leave a comment or something if you’ve got the time! (I’m a sucker for constructive criticism).


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